


Bonding Over Idiocy

by keelywolfe



Series: by any other name [47]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Angst, Domestic, Established Relationship, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Therapy, Spicyhoney - Freeform, Underfell Papyrus (Undertale), Underfell Sans (Undertale), Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Underswap Sans (Undertale), Undertale Monsters on the Surface, hints of kustard, papcest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 14:32:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17562260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keelywolfe/pseuds/keelywolfe
Summary: Stretch really hated hospitals, so you'd think he would try harder to stay out of them.





	Bonding Over Idiocy

* * *

It wasn’t just the poking and prodding, the nurses coming in at all hours and the doctors coming in to talk to him with serious eyes, trying to find delicate ways to tell him the newest way his low HP had betrayed him that made Stretch hate hospitals. 

The sheer boredom was so much worse. No matter how interesting a book or how tempting a cooking show was, there was no escaping that he was doing it from a hospital bed. That in and of itself was too distracting for anything else to hold his attention. His cellphone was still in the lab, probably blowing up with messages that he couldn’t answer. That left Stretch with the option of sleeping, napping, and trying to keep his complaining to a minimum. 

For once, this shit was entirely on him, so he was going to swallow back his irritation and take his medicine. Literally. 

At least he’d managed to push Edge into going to work for a few hours. With Janice off, he was already behind and the last thing he needed was to make it worse because of Stretch’s dumbfuckery. It also meant he didn’t have to spend the day with Edge _looking_ at him with that tired, pinched expression. He was still pissed off, that much was obvious, probably trying to keep himself from taking it out on Stretch since he was, you know, in the fucking hospital hooked up to his own personal fuel line. 

He would have taken that look, taken whatever Edge had wanted to throw at him, if he were being brutally honest with himself. It had been hard enough to stifle the desperate urge to beg Edge to stay and fuck his job, stay with him until that aching, lingering panic faded enough for him to believe that they were…well, not okay, maybe, but that Edge wasn’t going to pack up his shit for him and leave it on the porch. That Stretch hadn’t finally managed to stumble across the line of unforgivable. 

Not that Stretch didn’t believe Edge when he said he would never leave him, he did…mostly. 

It wasn’t like he’d been rubbing the ring on his finger, fidgeting with it until the bone beneath it was chafed and sore, nope, not at all. 

Blue had lingered a bit longer and he’d only left when Stretch had pleaded exhaustion, rolling over and feigning sleep until his bro quietly left. No telling where he’d gone, maybe back home for a shower and a nap, maybe he was only downstairs in the cafeteria, but Stretch was pretty sure he’d be back soon enough. 

Yeah, that was tiring to think about, his brother that he loved so much hanging around, bullying him into eating a little more and tucking the blankets in too tightly, alternating between scolding and cajoling. 

Fuck, he’d never wanted a cigarette so much in his life and he’d never been less inclined to whine for one. 

From behind the curtain, he heard the door open, almost silent footsteps walking towards him. Familiar footsteps, not someone he was expecting, but not a surprise, either, not really. 

Sans stopped at the edge of the curtain, peering around it. He managed a half-hearted smile when he saw Stretch was awake, tucking his hands in his pockets, offering a weary, “hey.”

“hey,” Stretch grabbed the remote and muted the television. “come in, will ya, stop looking like i’m gonna push you down and steal your lunch money.”

That got him a head shake, but Sans did take a couple steps closer. “you should’ve told him, you know. he might have laid off a little.”

Stretch shrugged. “why? then he’d be pissed off at you, too. besides, you didn’t make me keep working by myself.”

He’d come up with that bit of stupidity on his own. Everything had been set up for yet another test run by the time Sans texted him that he wasn’t going to make it to the lab. By now they’d gone through this a dozen times; the problem wasn’t with the distiller, it was the formulation that kept breaking down after only a few days. Preserving the solution was the issue they were having, not extracting the magic to make it. Or so Stretch had thought. 

“nah, i just didn’t give you another option.” He hopped up on the foot of the bed, sitting with his legs dangling. “for what its worth, i’m sorry i ditched out on you.”

“working with me isn’t your only job, bud, i get it.” 

“no, it’s not. and we’ve been busting double time down at the embassy,” Sans agreed, wearily, “but what sucks about this whole thing is i was right upstairs with your bro the whole time. i didn’t lie when i begged off, you know, i was tired, but i knew i wasn’t gonna be able to fall asleep. blue asked me if i wanted to stop by for a little television and…eh, i know he gets a little lonely sometimes since you moved out.” He slanted Stretch a knowing look. “that’s not a knock on you, by the way, blue’s gonna have to figure that out on his own. figured it wouldn’t kill me to sit with him, though, and fall asleep on his sofa for a change.”

Sans laughed sourly. “i almost ran downstairs when i first got there, to check in and maybe come up with another day to run the tests.”

“coulda, shoulda, woulda,” Stretch nudged Sans with his toes. “i’m not mad at you, if you’re not mad at me.”

“deal,” Sans agreed. “wanna tell me exactly what happened? pretty much all i had a chance to figure out was that the test was an epic fail, but i could use a few lab notes.”

“yeah, well. after you texted me to let me know you weren’t coming, i thought i’d run a basic distillation. we’ve done that a few times, haven’t had a problem before.” Stretch looked away from Sans’s keen gaze, picking lint off the blanket. “i’m not really sure what happened, power surge, maybe? the process is supposed to shut down after a certain time frame, we put in a failsafe for that. what we didn’t figure on was it getting caught in a feedback loop. for whatever reason, every time it hit the time frame, it reset and started over.” 

He shivered a little, not really wanting to remember it. It had been painless, mostly, but the terror of realizing he couldn’t shut it down, the feeling of his magic draining away, dwindling to nothing. The pain hadn’t hit until it started on his HP and before he’d lost consciousness, all he’d been able to think about was Edge. If Edge thought Stretch didn’t care if he hurt him, well, Stretch wasn’t about to prove him wrong by telling him his last thoughts were of Edge finding his dust. He still wasn’t sure why he _hadn’t_ dusted, but he sure as fuck wasn’t about to complain about it. 

Stretch smiled, bitterly. “we’re supposed to be so smart, but the one thing we didn’t put on the thing was a fucking off switch and i couldn’t reach the plug. Stupid.”

“welp, if nothing else we know how to do the redesign. maybe next time we can figure that out with a little less drama. riding in a car with your bro and edge while you were trying to croak in the back seat?” Sans shuddered visibly. “let’s keep that as a once in a lifetime experience for the scrapbook.”

“yeah, kinda glad i was unconscious for that,” Stretch considered what he was about to say next, then shrugged mentally. Sans wasn’t going to like this, but he had to ask. “hey, i need you to do something for me. the distiller pulled all my magic, which ain’t no small thing. that means it’s still sitting in the machine, waiting.” 

San’s expression was wary. “yeah?”

“it won’t last forever, it’ll start degrading in a couple days. i need you to try the infusion.”

He looked a little horrified, his normal easy calm shaken. “stretch, dude…”

“after all this, i’m not about to let it go to waste,” he snapped. “ask andy to come hang with you while you set it up if we’re going to tighten up protocol. he offered before and that way you won’t be alone. i didn’t almost die for nothing.”

As disturbing as Sans seemed to find experimenting with the magic he’d almost died losing, the scientist in him didn’t seem to be able to come up with an argument against it. “yeah, okay. i’ll call him. this is my fault, too. i’ve been bailing on you in the lab an awful lot lately.”

“stop that, will ya?” Stretch gave him a harder shove with his foot, “you begged off, you didn’t tell me to go on without you, it’s not on you.”

“hey, let me say my piece, okay?” He lay down on the bed next to Stretch's legs, looking up at the ceiling. The top of his head was level with the bottom of Stretch’s rib cage, his sneakered feet hanging off the end of the mattress. “i’m still seeing that therapist, you know."

“me too. got it down to once a week, at least.”

“yeah. it gets better but shit doesn’t disappear because you want it to. probably do red some good to go, too. he’s pretty fucked up,” Sans said, softly. He flinched a little when Stretch reached down and rested his fingertips on the top of his skull, but he didn’t pull away. “don’t think he’s about to make an appointment anytime soon.”

“no, i bet he wouldn’t,” Stretch said, “not exactly his style, is it.”

“no,” Sans agreed, sighing. “so, i ask you. how do i get past that? i’m not sure. i’m really not interested in your version of happily ever after. doesn’t mean i don’t want _a_ version, though.”

That wasn’t anything Stretch had expected to hear. “sans…”

Sans shifted so that he was pressed tighter against Stretch’s legs. Taking a little comfort in his presence without asking for it, Stretch knew, because he tended to do it himself. “i mean, i’m pretty head over heels for that bastard.”

“that bad?”

“yeah. hey, you’re the lucky one,” Sans said with a bitter chuckle, “you got version 2.0, he’s pretty much housebroken. on a bad day, i think red would shiv someone who accidentally shorted him a curly fry at the local arby’s.”

“pretty sure you’re right. does knowing that change how you feel?”

“not even a little.” Sans tipped his head back, looking up at Stretch, upside down. “whatcha think?”

“i think you’re fucked.”

His grinned widened, sour and amused. “sounds about right."

A soft knock on the door made them both startled, and Sans leaned up on his elbows as the door opened, boots too loud on the tile floor as footsteps approached. Speak of the devil and he’ll show up for a chat of his own, it seemed. 

“well, hey, a honey bun and a ketchup packet,” Red’s grin was sharp, and Stretch didn’t think he imagined the veil of careful disinterest that fell across Sans’s face. “how’s things, sweethearts?” His eye lights settled on Stretch, his grin widening. “nice to see you with both feet out of a dust pan. do my bro a favor, and try to stay like that for a day or two, yeah?”

“i’ll do my best. what are you doing here?” Stretch asked warily. Manners were usually wasted on Red, anyway.

“now, that ain’t nice,” Red shook his head sadly. “i’m here to do you a favor and everything.”

Yeah, that didn’t make him feel any better. “what favor?”

“brought you this.” Red reached into his inside jacket pocket and brought out what looked almost like a pen, only it was flat and there was a brightly colored cap on one end. He held it up triumphantly before offering it to Stretch.

Like he was going to take anything from Red without knowing what it was. “what is it?”

Red took his wariness in stride, coolly amused, “this is a juul, precious.”

Stretch made a face at both the nickname and the offering. “you brought me a vape?”

“yep, full of nicotiney goodness, only it won’t set off the smoke alarm.” When he still hesitated, Red waggled it in his fingers teasingly. “this one is honey-flavored.”

“okay, you’ve got my interest,” Stretch muttered. Edge would be more than a little annoyed if Red poisoned him. That meant it was probably safe enough. Probably. 

Still, he couldn’t help but hesitate at Red’s encouraging look. Welp, he’d already been stupid once this week, may as well go for broke. He held it up to his mouth and took an uncertain puff. The flavor wasn’t overpowering, only a mild sweetness. Not at all like a cigarette, but he could already feel the nicotine settling into his magic and the cloud of vapor vanished quickly as he exhaled.

Stretch closed his sockets and took another puff. “okay, yeah, i owe you one. that ain’t bad.”

“pay me back by not letting either of our bros catch you with it,” Red licked his teeth and Stretch knew he didn’t imagine the way his eye lights flicked to Sans, brief as it was. “and take it easy, the battery only lasts so long. welp, i’ve got shit to do and you’re fucking boring. need a ride home, sansy?”

“not if you’re calling me that.”

“i can probably think of something else to call you,” Red said agreeably.

“maybe i’ll take my chances,” Sans said. His tone was bored laziness. His eye lights were definitely telling another story. “an uber driver would probably call me sir. don’t think i can expect that from you.”

From the way Red’s eye lights flared, Stretch wasn’t sure that offer was off the table.

Ugh, was this how everyone felt around him and Edge? No wonder the others were always rolling their eyes and groaning in disgust. Even Papyrus, whose patience for displays of affection was legendary, would occasionally let out an exasperated sigh when they were particularly revolting. Hell, that was part of the fun, in Stretch’s opinion, and Edge tolerated it with dry amusement. Must be killing Red to be so subtle, or at least his version of it.

Why the hell did he not want Edge to know?

“nice as it was to have you guys stop by for tea and crumpets, i don’t give it a shit if you call him daddy. i’m tired, so you can hit bricks now,” Stretch said. His yawn wasn’t entirely forced.

“no need to bring up your kinks with the edgelord,” Sans grinned slyly, hopping down before Stretch could give him a real kick. “get some sleep, kiddo, i’ll stop by again tomorrow if they haven’t cut you loose.”

“i’m the same age as you, asshole,” Stretch grumbled. 

“don’t take it personal, honey bun, sansy here is only pissed he didn’t age as well as you.” Red barely flinched as Sans stepped rudely on his foot as he walked past. “don’t get caught with that and i’ll bring you a new cartridge tomorrow.”

The door closed behind them and Stretch turned the volume back up on the television. At least it was useful for a little background noise to help him sleep. A nap sounded pretty damn good and if he took one, maybe he wouldn’t fall asleep when Edge came back tonight. 

He really wanted Edge to come back tonight.

Carefully, he tucked the e-cigarette into the pillow, then pulled the blankets up as best he could around the tubes of his IV’s before closing his sockets. Before he drifted off, he sent a brief, silent prayer to an angel he didn’t really believe in that he wouldn’t dream of dying, again. 

His nightmares Greatest Hits album really didn’t need another track. 

-finis-


End file.
